people say stuff. sometimes i understand it, sometimes i don’t. sometimes i agree, sometimes i don’t. sometimes i say the stuff and disagree with myself...or sit back and listen to the stuff tumble out of my mouth and don’t understand a word of it. we speak lots and act little. this blog will add more words to the world. maybe they’ll be words we don’t need, don’t agree with and don’t understand. that would be sad so i hope it doesn’t happen.
sadness is a weird thing. i have had the saddest year of my life this year. i’ve cried too much. my heart has sunk so far into my chest on occasion that it felt like it wasn’t there anymore. people say it’s ok to cry when your mum dies but it’s not ok to cry when you spill milk. i’ve cried over both of these things this year. people say stuff i don’t understand.
people say good things come in small packages. i’ve put on 20kg in the last 2 years (a diet of sadness, wine and deep fried anything will do that to a girl). i’m not a small package anymore, but i’d like to hope i still carry some good things into the world. a few weeks ago i did a 5km hike in the snow through johnston canyon, just outside of banff. i almost started a forest fire from the friction generated by my thighs in my too-tight jeans...but that’s a story for another time. i did the entire hike with a small rock somewhere in my right boot. terrible thing. small package. people blatantly lie.
people say everything happens for a reason. cancer doesn’t happen for a reason. yeah sure, i’ve learnt stuff...blah blah blah...but if you try to convince me there was a reason for this i’ll probably kick you in the shins. sometimes stuff just happens. my family chooses to love regardless. sometimes we do it really well. sometimes we say stuff that’s mean, then wake up and try to love again.
i miss my mum. i’m sitting in a crappy hotel in new york city with tears all over everything remembering the time i was here with her. we saw the lion king on broadway. we got lost in central park. we made friends in our backpackers...yes, i made my 52-year-old mum stay in a backpackers, don’t judge me:-) i miss her. i miss her. i miss her. i miss her. i choose to love this life i get to live even on the days where i can’t feel my heart.
i’m taking a year or two away from real life to write and sing and travel. i’m attempting to get a book published so i might use this blog to trial some chapters. i’ll say stuff and i’d love you to say stuff back to me. i’m going on an adventure to discover love, peace and happiness in unexpected places and i’d like to take you all with me.
people say there’s no better feeling than discovering you have enough clean underwear to get you home from your 5-week north american adventure. maybe people don’t say that, but this morning it was the truest thing i knew.
