so much has been happening since i last
wrote... so much laying about drinking cocktails by pools... so much walking
through old towns so annie can look at handbags... so much eating of vietnamese
foods that are light like clouds, and delicious – delicious like chicken
flavoured clouds... so much sitting in bunkers imagining the horrors of war...
so much riding of bicycles on terrible roads and marveling at the generosity of
people who put up with us interrupting their lives. then we went to some tunnels...
the location: vinh moc tunnels
the scene: a terrified annie and a slightly
less terrified kt being ushered into three hundred metres of tunnels that
descend to fifteen metres below ground.
i was keen (if a little scared) to go
adventuring in the tunnels. ‘keen’ is probably not the word we’d use to
describe how annie was feeling about the tunnels, but we were on a tour with
about a dozen other people and she didn’t want to be the only one not brave
enough to go in. so in we went. *insert joke about camels and needle eyes here*
annie’s face quickly went from this...
to this...
we were underground for about twenty
minutes, in which time annie managed to hyperventilate an impressive fifteen
times. then it was all over. annie quickly declared that it was the worst
experience she had ever had and that she would henceforth be
referring to events of her life as either BT (before tunnel) or AT (after
tunnel). eight hundred people took turns (three hundred at a time) living in
these tunnels for six years during the vietnam war. mind sufficiently blown.
four days AT was the date of our next big
adventure... a tour to the perfume pagoda. i had no idea what this was but
annie wanted to go so i paid for our tour and gave it to her as a birthday gift
(her birthday was 5 days AT).
it all started with another horrific bus
ride (the starting point for any vietnamese tourist experience... this was
number seven for us). we were then ushered to a fleet of small boats being
manned by tiny vietnamese women who would row us up the perfume river for an
hour or so. annie and i were ushered to the side by our tour guide while
everyone else was stuffed into a boat. we’re not exactly sure why, but along
with three people from holland we got put into a bigger boat with seats... i
quickly decided our boat was for the bigger boned and will be calling it the
bbb (bigger-boned-boat). the bbb was being rowed by what i can only assume was
a vietnamese olympic rower. she weighed slightly less than my left thigh, but
she moved us up the river like a pro.
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| bbb in action |
we arrived and had lunch where, due to my
complete inability to use chopsticks, i ate about 5 grains of rice in the time
everyone else polished off their meal. we were informed that we had a gentle
2km ascent ahead of us to get to a cave that looked like a dragon’s mouth. for
as long as i can remember i’ve longed to see a cave that looks like a dragon’s
mouth... count us in! there was an option to get a cable car to the top which
was annie’s initial preference, but i talked her out of it and convinced her to
hike up with me.
the gentle ascent swiftly turned into what
annie started referring to as a cliff of stairs. turns out vietnamese tour
guides are big fat liars. there was nothing ‘gentle’ about what we were doing. it
was raining and slippery and there was no end to the staircases that stretched
before us each time we turned a corner. annie made it clear that all of the
horrors of the world were my fault, and about three quarters of the way up she
uttered these words... “i’d rather be back in the tunnels.” safe to say it was
the best birthday gift i’ve ever given. you’re welcome annie.
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| annie refusing to look at the camera because i'm ruining her life |
other phrases uttered by annie on the way
up the million stairs...
“i forgot to put deodorant on this morning...
we really need to get to that perfume pagoda?”
“if this cave doesn’t look EXACTLY like a
dragon’s mouth i’m really going to lose it.”
we eventually made it to 'the dragon's mouth' cave. it
looked just like a giant cave. someone pointed to a pile of rocks and asked if
it was the dragon’s tongue. if i tilted my head and squinted my eyes a bit it
looked exactly like a really nice pile of rocks inside a giant cave.
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| spot the dragon's mouth... and if you find it point it out to me |
we were shown several different altars
where people knelt to pray for babies, husbands, money etc. lots of people were
leaving butter cookies for buddha on the altars which i found lovely, but they
also reminded me that i’d just hiked up a mountain with five grains of rice as
my only fuel. wanna share those cookies buddha? my tour guide suggested i
should stay a while and pray for a husband. i thought a better use of my time
would be to pray that i regain feeling in my frozen feet (pluggers: the
sensible hiker’s choice).
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| this way to buddha's cookie stash |
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